My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize