I think my fart just growled at me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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