I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
