I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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