you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
