im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
do nipples grow back?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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