I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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