If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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