How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
