My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
