talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
