We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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