That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
