Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
worst night to have a conscience
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
there is puke in my bra ... again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
