remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
