I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
