we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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