he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
