Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so much tequila, so little girl.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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