Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
