I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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