Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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