so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
