Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
