I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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