My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bring me that man meat
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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