Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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