Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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