i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
