I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
