he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
