i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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