smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
