I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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