i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
