You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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