Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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