$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
