I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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