Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
