so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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