by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
