Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
