Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
