I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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