You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
