I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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