nut hugger
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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