my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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