I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
