You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize