You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
