I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
