based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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