yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
