All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You made out with two different species that night
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
