dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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