i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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