You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
