i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
