party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have post one night stand depression
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
