If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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