We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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