dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
