In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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