you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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