take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
