One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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