You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
