I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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