So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
