College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
