so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
