we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
