And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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