the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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