Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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