hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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