I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
