my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
