I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize