We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
