We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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