We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
