Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
