Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
