I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I am available for nakedness
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