fuck your aforementioned shoe
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
