You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
