So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
