you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm passing your future prison.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
