one might say we're banned from that church
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dignity is for republicans.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
