WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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