The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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