after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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