god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
