Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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