I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
