Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
