I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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