Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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