did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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