I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dicks are not precious.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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