what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
