My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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