At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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