Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
