My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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