look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
