I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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