There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
