first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
