There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
