In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
