I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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